I watched a clip from X-Factor recently, and the story that a contestant told seemed to movie the audience to tears and inspiration. She said that she had been bullied in middle school and high school; she said they made "prank phone calls" and told her she'd never make it with her music. That was all that was said on the subject, yet it seemed enough to move the emotions of many. This surprised me a little. Is this what people think bullying is? I wondered to myself. Surely it's not very much fun, but it didn't seem like bullying to me. What do I have to say on this subject? Plenty.
As a "military brat", my family moved around a lot when I was young. Every base we moved to seemed overly friendly and kind. The kids were all in the same situation as me and we all got along great. There weren't cliques or groups or exclusions. Everyone just accepted everyone. When my Dad retired, we moved to rural Illinois, and things were drastically different. People weren't welcoming anymore. As a matter of fact, they were the opposite of friendly. They were outwardly hateful and aggressive. I joined our Cheer-leading team in fifth grade and the girls made fun of me because I didn't yet shave. I was made fun of for being slightly overweight. I was called names, talked about behind my back, I'd find possessions of mine missing and they would never be found. In sixth grade, during recess, a boy spit on me. When I told the teacher, I was punished for lying. When I went to middle school, things just got worse. Because I lived in such a small village, I had to ride the bus to a larger town 30 minutes away. The town was filled with people who were very well off financially, and the poorer class kids were looked upon with scorn. We didn't have a lot of money and couldn't afford the brand name clothes or accessories everyone else had. I didn't have any friends. Here there were cliques. The jocks, the nerds, even the outsiders seemed to have a group, but I fit in to none of them. I wore hand-me down clothing that was too large for me. My mother made me wear my pants higher than other kids. To be honest, even at its worst, I would have gladly gone back to the bullying levels in middle school, once I hit high school.
My sister preceded me by three years in high school. She was fairly accepted and left alone by the other kids for some reason I didn't understand (later, I would realize it was because she did drugs with them). As soon as I became a freshman, I was fair game for the upper classmen as well as my own classmates. My resemblance was compared to that of farm animals. I was laughed at openly in front of teachers. I was called dirty and beneath them. Once, someone told me I should just do everyone a favor and kill myself. I began to cut myself quite severely. While I was inexperienced, I would cut my lower arms and blame it on my cats (we had four). The longer I did it, I smartened up about location and began to cut my shoulders and wear short sleeved shirts. I stopped coming to school. There would be weeks where I didn't show up and would be in quite a bit of trouble with the school. I know I frustrated and worried my mom so much during those times, but she did not know what was going on or why I was acting the way I was. It must have been so frightening for her. I know it was for me. I just wanted to sleep and never wake up. I wanted to escape the hell I was in by any means possible. I began to fantasize about things that could kill me on a daily basis. I'd look at a pill bottle and wonder if I took them all, would I finally die and escape? It was a very low point in my life. A low point caused by bullying. Not prank phone calls, not people telling me I "wasn't going to make it" at something, but rather people telling me that I should kill myself; people grabbing me by the hair and pulling me forcefully from my seat on the bus because they wanted to sit there instead. That is what bullying is to me. That is what bullying is to thousands of kids out there right now. It is something that should not be trivialized or accepted. Bullying can ruin a person's life. It can also end it.
That being said, if you are being bullied, know that the bullying stops. For me, it happened my senior year. Something switched in me; in the people around me. I was moderately intelligent and people began to see me for that. People began to see me in a positive light and I was finally, blissfully, left alone.
It has been five years since I have been bullied. When someone tries now, I won't stand for it. There comes a time in everyone's life where they have to step forward and say "no". You will not push me around any longer. I am a good person and I will not be treated this way. It is a voice that exists within each of us; we just have to find that voice. It takes a lot of self discovery and experience sometimes, but you will get to that point, and you will survive. So please, don't give up hope. Redemption is only a revelation away.
